Musings From the Forest

Master Plant Dieta

Preface: I recently went on a month and a half long solo journey to do deep work, learning, and initiation with the nature spirits. I underwent a master plant dieta which, among many things, involved two weeks in complete isolation in the middle of the forest in a yurt in deep fast, meditation, energetic purging, and consult with spirit. This a journal entry from that two week period. I’ll be releasing more of these entries and musings of this sort over time as I feel called to share for paid subscribers. With love, Tatiana.

Very quiet, very odd day. I fell asleep again and had the most non-sensical dreams—one where I was asleep in this same place I’m in but there was a school close by or just loud enough on their speakers shouting about divestment or something. Another where I had a piece of mercury in my notebook melting through things and I didn’t know it. Had to get it out. Small snippets like that in my dream world. I’m very sluggish today, probably mirroring the weather as it’s still quite wet from the storm last night and so cloudy I can barely tell the angle of the sun. He’s trying to peek through a bit for me.

Fully embracing my rhythms—can’t always be chipper, giddy, and excited. It just isn’t honest, there’s nothing wrong with how I feel right now. Nothing to fix. Just allowing myself to be slower and a bit melancholic—noticing the fleeting nature and non-seriousness of all feelings. All emotions, they truly are like waves of the ocean, resist them and they can knock you off your feet and leave you scrambling, but notice them, respect them, and ride with them into them and not only do they pass leaving you unscathed but they can even bring you joy to have experienced, to have overcome them.

They removed the tree, the one that fell over during the storm last night, and her broken limbs from my bench and the ground while I was asleep. I felt them come, although everything is so quiet out here. No more horizontal sitting on the bench for her arms are quite flat now, but I can still sit forward—actually the back is more upright so my posture is better. All is well. So much happens in silence. So much movement.

I have moved tremendously in silence. That has been most of my journey here. With the occasional song, hum, or rant. Lots of time watching, observing—observing myself, the trees, the rain, the wind, the ants, the flies, other insects, the fire, the sun. At this moment I’ve reached that point where life here has become mine. Become pleasant. Become preferred.

What would it be like to live this slowly forever? To settle in more deeply each day? To let the moss claim me? To become the understory of this forest? It has shown more love to me than most. More care. More forgiveness. More abundance. More truth. More wisdom.

It gives with needing nothing in return, asking nothing of me. Only presence, only care, only awareness. To leave the worries of the human life be—to live only in this expanded state of awareness. This energetically resourced. This peaceful. This calm. What a blessing. And of course there are still objections of the mind. She muses day and night over this and that. Monitoring the sun, counting down the days, but the heart knows something deeper realized here.

This is the pace of the heart, of the truth. This is what is meant for me, for us as humans—rest. Unlimited unadulterated rest. With no guilt, no ‘should haves’, no ‘need to do’s’, just being. And following the simple rhythms of the body. No longer will I object to my body’s call for rest. No matter the time of day. Time is arbitrary—fabricated. I allow my body to rest when she says so. No alarms or timers. Let her rest. And if I am awake at 2 am, let me rise as there must be meaning then too. As those are the creative hours of the night. The hours of spirit.

I am no longer bound by the clock, by man’s time. I am my own ruler. I sleep when I please and I eat when I am hungry. Time means nothing. Time is just as fleeting as the waves of emotion—they always change, always passing, begging to be seen. It’s about seeing them and then saying ‘no thanks, I won’t pay you too much mind, thank you’ and releasing. Not in opposition, not in anger or annoyance or even ignorance. Definitely not in ignorance. But releasing.

Time, what a silly silly thing to hold onto. What a useless way to obtain a sense of control—it cannot be controlled like anything else. Why not just let it fall like grains of sand? It will anyway despite how hard we try to hold onto it. So then why don’t we cherish each one? ‘One’ as in moment? As in this version of me right now writing on this page. The one who is different now than when I started this entry and will be again by the time I finish. The breath in me—to honor and love me, and this forest and this bench and this sun and this wind for exactly what it is right now.

Not comparing it to what it was before, yesterday, the day before, an hour ago, but loving this moment as it breathes new life into me right now? This is all there is. This breath. This body. This mind. This moment. This is where it all begins and it all ends. To not be present, rooted and dedicated to it is a betrayal of myself and all that is alive within and outside of me in this current moment.

This is where newness is created. Where all time extends. How beautiful that we are new, fresh, breathing new life into every moment? How can we breathe more? How can we lean into that even deeper? The gravity? The weight? The opportunity?